Bittersweet
by pingipenguin
Summary: In a world as hard as theirs, moment such as these were a rare commodity indeed. A touching scene in Jackson leaves Joel floundering in the aftermath of old wounds as Ellie, true to form, tries to pick up the pieces.


_**Standard Disclaimer: **__Sadly, I don't own the rights to '_The Last Of Us_'. I do have a copy of it, though. That _is _mine._

**o~O~o**

Within the confines of Jackson it was common knowledge that Ellie was tough as nails. Never one to shy away from danger, whether in the form of bandits, Infected or a Joel roused from the wrong side of the bed, it was the rarest of all occasions to see her so much as startled. However, one fine afternoon as she manned her usual spot on the walls overlooking the nearby forest, spotting someone erupt from the bushes with a clicker tearing away at their throat proved to be the ideal way to set her heart to racing.

"Holy shit!" Quickly, Ellie lifted the rifle assigned all guard personnel and lined up the shot. The clicker's victim was a woman, young and dirty and bedraggled, and her shrieks of terror rivalled those emitted by her disease-ridden aggressor. In her haste to back away the woman's foot slipped in a patch of mud and she spectacularly lost her balance; the clicker, as if sensing victory, pinned her and leaned down to deliver the killer bite. Blood thrumming, Ellie's finger yanked back the trigger.

_BANG! _The clicker slumped into death almost before the gun jerked back into Ellie's tried-and-tested shoulder, leaving a bruise that would be visible for days. Ignoring the pain, Ellie vaulted over the walls and landed deftly, sprinting towards the woman even as the latter made shaky movements to push the Infected's dead weight off her trembling frame. Up close, she had scraggly blonde hair and eyes that, bar the terror lacing their depths, would otherwise have been quite pretty. Shoving the clicker aside Ellie offered her a hand.

"Are you alright?"

The woman nodded, then shook her head, then burst into tears. Dropping her hand, Ellie crouched and let her eyes scan the woman. To her relief she saw no bites. Shouts on the walls above alerted her to the advance of the other guards and, huffing, she lifted her gaze to them.

"Ellie!" At the forefront of the men was Tommy. His senior position permitted him leave to schedule the vast majority of shifts; under his watchful eye it was ascertained that, if Ellie couldn't be rostered on with Joel, he instead would monitor her progress. "The fuck was that?"

At the angry note in his voice Ellie winced visibly. General consensus stood that the walls shouldn't be vaulted – the woman sobbing alongside her could easily be a bandit, or supported by several hiding out nearby. Death could almost be a certainty. Yet this time, Ellie felt quietly assured that it wasn't. The woman, unlike most decoys seen, was fully equipped with the gear of a survivor. The way she eyed both Ellie and the others through her tear-slicked eyes testified her incredulity at having stumbled quite literally upon one of humanity's last strongholds. She was alone.

"It's alright," Ellie called back up. "I think she's friendly." To make sure, she turned to the woman and asked the obvious question. "Are you?"

Slowly, the woman nodded. The tears slowed a little as she visibly fought to regain control, and she swallowed thickly. "Y-yes. I … I just need a little help is all."

"You bitten?"

"No."

"Any scratches?"

"N-not that I know of."

Satisfied, Ellie stood and once more extended her hand. This time the woman took it and rose of her own accord, letting one arm fall across Ellie's shoulders as a gesture of goodwill. Face dirty and tear-streaked, she turned to the girl alongside her and gave a watery grin. "I'm Jillian, by the way."

"Jillian." Ellie smiled. She liked it. "I'm Ellie. Welcome to Jackson."

Above her Tommy huffed somewhat irritably, but as Ellie knew it would his indomitable good nature won out and he moved to open the gates. The two girls hobbled inside whereupon Jillian was immediately handed over to the guards. She would be checked over thoroughly before being released the following morning. Ellie watched her go, then turned to face Tommy as the latter approached her.

"That was stupid, and you know it," he said without preamble. Ellie shrugged and rolled her shoulders so the rifle would rest more comfortably against her back.

"Yeah, it was. I saved a life though. That's gotta count for something."

Tommy sighed tiredly and pinched the bridge of his nose, only slightly longer than Joel's. Ellie waited patiently for his verdict, arms folded and stance easy. She wasn't going to let herself be intimidated. In spite of everything, lives were valuable enough in Jackson that callously tossing them aside was viewed with something akin to disdain. Once she recovered, Jillian could be useful. Anyone with limbs possessed that potential.

"Alright," Joel's brother said eventually. "I'll let this one slide. Don't think you can make a regular spectacle out of this, though."

"I won't."

"Good."

Thinking herself dismissed, Ellie ducked her head briefly to Tommy and made to resume her post. However, his stern clear of the throat spoke otherwise, and like a child due a good scolding Ellie slipped meekly back to her place before him.

"Another thing. Joel is definitely gonna hear 'bout what you did today."

Ellie groaned. Internally _and _externally. "Seriously?"

"Yes, _seriously_. Ellie, you gotta realise that he cares 'bout you. You puttin' yourself in danger like that threatens everythin' he's worked to –"

"You talkin' 'bout me, li'l brother?"

Both Ellie and Tommy flinched as, seemingly by magic, Joel materialised by his brother's right shoulder. His weathered face twisted in a grimace as he stretched out his back, eyes flitting peacefully from Ellie's countenance to that of his brother. "I heard gunfire. Thought I'd be more useful down here than dozin' by the storeroom. What happened?"

Ellie swallowed nervously and ducked her gaze. Almost absently she began to scuff the dirt by her feet. Joel noticed, because when she dared glance back up at him his brow had dipped into a frown. Tommy sighed wearily. "There was a girl attacked by a clicker just outside the gates. Ellie took it down, then went over to see if there was anythin' she could do to help."

And there it was; the look of disapproval that rode on the coat-tails of incredulity. Ellie half-expected Joel to explode at her right then and there but, to her surprise, he merely echoed Tommy's sigh and dragged a hand down his face. "Ah, shit. Look, Ellie, we'll discuss this at home. Tommy, you mind if we excuse ourselves?"

"Not at all."

"But my shift –"

Joel silenced her with a _look_. "Right now there are more important things that need doin'."

"He's right, Ellie," Tommy said quietly when Ellie made to argue. "I'll pencil you in for an early one tomorrow, as punishment of sorts. Joel?"

"Fine by me. Coincides with mine, so there ain't no problem there."

"Good. Right. Well, I'll see you two tomorrow."

"Until then, li'l brother."

The two men nodded at each other and parted ways swiftly, Tommy heading towards the storeroom while Joel forcefully guided Ellie towards a pair of horses cropping grass peacefully by the gate. Irritated, she glared at him. "That fucks up my whole day, you do realise?"

"Quit whinin'." Joel watched her onto a horse before mounting his own. "Facin' the music never did anyone any harm." A look of guilt swept suddenly across his face, and he glanced half-fearfully at her. Too pissed to try and fathom what that was all about, Ellie kicked her horse into action. Together, they rode in silence back towards the town they both knew fondly as home.

o~O~o

Dawn saw the pair galloping towards the dam's rear entrance, bent low over their steeds even as their breath, hot on the chilly mountain air, condensed and whipped back over their shoulders. True to his word, Joel had taken Ellie sternly to task the previous evening, the result of which was the stony silence they'd maintained throughout the evening. It was only slightly remedied by their state of companionably sharing a bed and Ellie being jolted away by a nightmare sometime around midnight. Sleepily, Joel had encouraged her to lie back down and had stroked her hair until she drifted back off. Even now, hours later and the other side of a wake-up call, Ellie could recall the grisly details of her dream.

"_You're gonna have to pull, okay?"_

_Standing over the bloodied, grunting man who had replaced her steadfast companion, Ellie nodded swiftly and bent down to help. Her knee grazed the metal pole erupting from Joel's abdomen and bile grazed the back of her throat. Her hand met his, and she saw a grim look settle on his agonised face._

"_O-okay. Here we go. Ready?" Bracing herself, Ellie leaned backwards. "One. Two … THREE!"_

_She pulled, and Joel slid free of the pole with an animalistic bellow of pain. He doubled over with his hands pressed to the afflicted area and Ellie, hearing noises in the next room, turned her attention thence to give her pounding heart a chance to settle somewhat. It never did, though. Moments later, a soft exhale drew her attention back to Joel, who as she watched fell to his knees and slowly, carefully, onto his side. Blood poured from the wound at an alarming rate; it slicked Ellie's sneakers and jeans as she dove to her knees beside him, calling frantically for him to get up._

"_Joel? Joel! C'mon, c'mon, you gotta get up! Please! We gotta get outta here, you gotta tell me what to do! Joel, _please …_"_

_But there was no response. Joel lay still and unresponsive beneath her hands. Hyperventilating now, Ellie began to yank on his arm; it flopped limply around in her grip, the shattered face of his beloved watch blandly catching the light. Boot-steps to her right briefly snagged Ellie's attention; she whipped around, only for her face to meet the unforgiving butt of a gun. Winded, she was knocked away from Joel and landed on her back, staring up at the face of a man she sincerely hoped she would never see again in her life. David grinned predatorily. _

"_Hello, Ellie."_

"- tch where you're goin', why don't you!"

Startled from her flashback, Ellie yanked on the reins of her horse so its neck no longer bumped up against the rump of Joel's. "Sorry!" she called over the thunder of hooves striking the hard-packed earth. Joel twisted in the saddle so as to watch her, his forehead creased with concern.

"You OK?"

"Yeah." The memory of the nightmare niggled and Ellie grimaced. "Ugh. No. No, I was just thinking about my dream last night. Pleasant thoughts and all."

Joel gave a tired sigh. Guilt panged through Ellie. Being woken in the small hours of the morning by a frightened girl's screams couldn't have been an easy experience, and God knew Joel wasn't getting any younger.

"Everythin' takes time, Ellie," he said, slowing his mount as the dam came into sight. Ellie followed suit, raising an eyebrow at her companion.

"It's been four years, Joel."

"Still. Took me twenty to … y'know." He looked away primly and kept his peace until they entered the courtyard. At such an ungodly hour it was quiet save for the few men patrolling the perimeter, and the one walking towards them to take control of the wheezing horses. His name was Cyril and he was of a similar age to Joel – hell, they even looked something alike, what with the amount of grey hair and wrinkles marring their beings, though Cyril had more of a belly on him. Ellie had known him since her early days in Jackson and liked him rather a lot; his unruffle-able nature and calm air of authority could set even the most highly-strung person – i.e. herself – at ease. Rousing himself from his own personal nightmares, Joel lifted a hand in greeting and swung out of the saddle with an ease that belied his many years.

"Mornin', Cyril."

"Morning you two. Easy ride?"

"Didn't encounter any trouble, but that don't mean they ain't out there." Joel motioned to Ellie, who likewise hopped down off her mount. "They released that girl outta custody yet?"

Cyril seemed surprised. "Girl? What girl?"

"The one Ellie risked her ass helpin' yesterday," Joel replied, gracing Ellie with a stern look. "They were holdin' her overnight to check for bites an' other afflictions."

By '_other afflictions_', he clearly meant links with the bandits. Cyril grimaced. "Let's hope for the best then, 'eh?"

"Gladly." Keen to get her shift over and done with, Ellie elbowed Joel in the ribs. "C'mon old timer. Whaddya say we get up there and see who can get the most –"

"Hey! Easy! I'm clean, you don't gotta be so rough!"

Voices over by the storeroom had Joel, Ellie and Cyril turning in that direction. Jillian was being led out by a couple of guards, one of which seemed to have prodded her with the tip of his gun. To Ellie's relief she seemed none the worse for wear for her ordeal; save for a nasty cut across her right cheek she was fighting fit. Joel nudged Cyril and levelled a finger at the newcomer.

"That's her. Good to see she still got a bit of fightin' spirit in her, ain't it –"

"_JILLIAN!_"

Cyril's unexpected roar took the whole courtyard by surprise; Joel and Ellie staggered backwards even as the horses flicked their ears in displeasure, men on the walls whipping around in alarm even as their guns were brought to their shoulders and cocked. At the sound of her name Jillian looked up, her waterblue eyes locking on the man positively barrelling towards her, a myriad of expressions raging across her face – shock, incredulity, disbelief, anger, relief, _love_. With an enormous grunt she elbowed the guards aside and shot towards Cyril, her mouth forming its own equally surprising explanation.

"_DAD!_"

Too stunned to do anything, the guards and the rest of the courtyard watched as Jillian erupted into her father's crushing embrace, locking her arms around him and screaming as if the world around her had just come crashing down. Cyril was likewise affected; sobbing uncontrolledly, he sank to his knees and dragged Jillian down too, the pair of them collapsing slowly into a quagmire of tears and shaky exclamations. "You're alive, you're alive!" "Oh baby girl, oh my baby girl, oh thank god, thank _god_ …" "Where were you? You promised me you'd never leave! You promised!" "Jillian I'm so sorry, I'm _so sorry_ –" "I thought you'd left me! _God fucking dammit Dad, I thought you were dead_!"

Ellie could hardly believe her eyes. In a world as cruel as the one in which they resided, it seemed improbable that such an instance could occur. Always, Joel had taught her, _always_ the land, the people, wished to take and take and take; they did not care for the lives of those left behind, the sanity of those left marred by a hole now unfillable. Yet now, yet now, all that was contradicted, all the potential for humanity riding on this one priceless moment. Seeing Jillian in her father's embrace, and Cyril in hers, Ellie felt a flicker of an emotion she had not experienced for years; hope, hot and proud and strong god-dammit, _demanding_ to be felt. It was decidedly reassuring to be reminded that not all humanity was as doomed as the cordyceps had led them to believe. A feeling of warm elation filling her from top to toe, Ellie turned to grin at Joel.

"Fucking incredible, isn't it?"

Joel didn't say anything. His eyes were locked on the image of Cyril and Jillian, his face a taut mask of rigid pain. Then, to Ellie's surprise, he turned and purposefully strode in the opposite direction.

"Joel?"

Ellie felt torn. Part of her wanted to watch the happy scene a while longer, to feel the warm glow of satisfaction in knowing that _she _and she alone had brought this about. Yet the other, considerably larger, part knew her duty, and love, lay with Joel. She turned her back on the warm reunion and sprinted after him.

"Joel! Hey! Wait up!"

For an old fucker, Joel could sure move fast – ten seconds alone and already he was out the gates, heading for the bridge across the reservoir they'd crossed so long ago. Panting slightly, Ellie lengthened her stride to keep up. Joel didn't acknowledge her until he was across the bridge and leaning against the railings on the other side, eyes fixed stubbornly on the gully before him. Ellie ground to a halt on the opposite side and watched him warily. Joel was hurting, that much was blatantly obvious … and worse of all, she didn't have a fucking clue how to help him.

Carefully, tentatively, she crossed the distance between them. Joel resolutely ignored her. After a moment of perceived awkwardness Ellie came up alongside him and rested her elbows on the railing, taking in the closed vista as her mind raced for something appropriate, yet light-hearted, to say. Eventually, she settled on an old standby. "Can't deny that view, huh?"

Joel didn't respond. Instead he turned his head away and rubbed at his cheek. Ellie sighed and laid a hand on his back. The muscles beneath her fingers tensed but, to her immense relief, Joel didn't try to shrug away. Taking confidence from that, she moved to slide an arm across his shoulders and, then, to rest her forehead against his shoulder. They stayed that way for a long time.

"It ain't fair, Ellie."

Joel's quiet voice barely had the strength to lift over the gentle wash of water. It was so unlike him to complain, to rail against the order to things, that it spoke buckets of the pain still raging within his soul. Beneath her touch he trembled, almost imperceptibly. Ellie tightened her grip.

"I know it's not. It's bullshit."

"Ah, hell." Joel sniffed loudly and readjusted his grip on the railing. His gaze drifted to the broken watch on his wrist. "I miss her so much."

"I know."

"She was only twelve, you know," he mused aloud. "Never put a foot wrong in her life. So good, so _innocent_ …" His eyes strayed to the dam's distant walls with a forceful exhale. "It ain't fair."

Ellie said nothing. How could she? What could she possibly say to make things better, to alleviate her beloved companion's suffering? She was startled when the cloth against her forehead shifted suddenly, Joel having moved to put his arm round her instead. Tentatively, Ellie leaned into the embrace. Her head fell naturally against his chest. Beneath the flimsy stuff of the shirt she could hear the reassuring beat of his tired heart: _baddump, baddump, baddump …_

"I'm proud of you, baby girl," Joel said suddenly, tilting his head to gaze softly down at her. "You brought those two back there peace. That's … in this world, that's the greatest gift anyone can bestow."

"I know. I'm glad I could help."

A genuine smile lit up Joel's careworn features. He pressed his lips to the top of her head and released his grip, swiping a thumb under both his eyes in turn. He sniffed again. "Ah. God. Right." Clearing his throat, Joel turned and strode back in the direction of the dam. "C'mon, Ellie. We've still got a job to do."

Ellie smiled and fell quietly into step behind him. Later, she knew, they would not speak of this. Others would call Joel's momentary lapse a moment of weakness, and he hated to seem to be anything but a solid parental figure in her life. Personally, Ellie believed it to be a moment of definition; a moment of strength. There was nothing shameful in embracing pain and making a concerted effort to move forwards in life. Deep down, though Joel was in many ways her father and she in many ways his daughter, she was proud of him.

She always had been. She always _would _be.

"… Okay."

**o~O~o**

_**A/N: Thanks for reading, guys! Your support is immensely appreciated. Please, feel free to drop in a review and let me know how I'm travelling. My goal is to become a better writer, and your assistance in that matter is valued highly **_

_**As a little side note, I've always found writing to music a great way to get the creative juices flowing. This was written to the tune of "You've Got Something I Need" by One Republic. Seems a very fitting anthem for TLoU. **_


End file.
